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Qlog
Nov. 29th, 2009
02:54 am - It never stopped bleeding...
And I thought I was healed when I met you,
till I know now,
it was just glued back by a moment of hope.
I thought I was too sensitive,
till your words stab in hard.
I know I can never love completely now.
The reason doesn't lie between you and me,
But because my heart was drilled with too many holes,
it could never be in return with the greatest potential of love it is to hold.
I've seen so much and I've heard so much,
yet I chose to cling on hope.
The only choice I was ever left with,
was myself.
Nov. 28th, 2009
01:29 am - The Black and White
"I guess teenagers will always be teenagers. They can do adult things but their maturity will never be there."
What she said hit me hard, real hard.
It shouldn't be that lawyer letter that made you realise your deed,
it should have came from your heart, the conscience that make you see.
I dunno what to do anymore you know. I couldn't just let it go and shrug off all my responsibilities. And even if I could, I wouldn't have the heart to do so.
Make your life simpler, because when your going through your dark times,
we ain't receiving so much light on our side too.
Nov. 22nd, 2009
09:01 pm
I don't like pouring out all my troubles... It just make me feel like a total loser... Why could others handle this so camly and I can't? Perhaps I am taking things too personal... But I can't help it can I? They are hurting my friends, and I hate it when all they have contributed are turning to ashes right now.
I thought of meeting him up, but I'm afraid of being judged at... Judged that I'm not capable of handling shit anymore. I'm even more afraid, i'm never gonna take shit from people in future, because that would mean how I'm going to stop reaching out and do what I used to enjoy. Choir had thought me the magic of teamwork, the music we made as one, was beautiful. And I'm out here, searching for this magic, not through muscial notes this time, but through something else...
Anyway, on a lighter note, its coming up so I got loads to do!!! Reports, presentation and tutorials are not exactly pilling up but I've lost track of what's to do and what's not. How I wish to get this over with, then just smile at what's coming next...
just smile and wave, just
smile and wave
Nov. 19th, 2009
09:18 pm - zzz...
Tired...
Pissed!!!
I'm feeling hyper sensitive these days=( Its getting to my nerves.
Somehow, I'm starting to ponder about teamwork.
I really still love being in a committee, but all I ask is as a group, we work as one.
And I know that's too much to ask for.
I'm praying I wouldn't be too complacent.
I'm praying that I'll learn from mine and other's mistakes.
I'm praying that I did my best as a team member.
I'm lost, I don't know what to do anymore.
Nov. 8th, 2009
09:33 pm
It's hard, but its the best I could do.
Pushing those thoughts back to my head.
一光年 一千年
我不管银河有多么远 直到冥王星已幻灭
我魂魄消失前 一回神 地平线 已消失在眼前
默默问著天 星星为何眨眼
流星消逝瞬间 我让孤单被夜侵略
Remember these fine lyrics? Its singing out to me now.
Oct. 31st, 2009
Oct. 21st, 2009
01:45 am - Is pissed???
I look at her, and the fire in her eyes are diminishing. The passion ain't there anymore, but yet, she goes on. I'm going on too you know, Ain.
I should have known better to get involved in this. To say I'm tired about it? No, I'm not. I had worse. But its been months of....
I don't hate her, dislike her or whatever many think as. There was nothing to hate or hold a grudge on, but there was many issues to disagree on. So what if you disaree on things? We move on right? Which is why I love this phase, 'always agree to disagree''. Both _____ and I agreed that she could have done better. But I guess as humans, we tend to forget the most basic sense of everything.
I never knew why the hell I decided to join the team. San San did the right thing, to quit before things get out of hand. I honestly hates it when I have to work with a committee that ain't condusive to work in. Its darn annoying. And damn it, you got me as camp chief, shouldn't you have placed me as a helper in I C E camp? So now, with no fucking knowledge of how camp runs, no authority to make decisions, no right to back up what I believe in, I just wanna throw this event out.
She's out at china now. And guess what, she never thought of noticing all of the committee members that she would be uncontactable for the next two weeks!!!! How responsible?!
Its been getting really hard to keep things in a more professional manner. I guess trying to be civil is definitely not working. So I ain't gonna even bother to be civil from now on.
I miss you Suyi...
I've ranted enough, perhaps what I've said was just a moment of anger, it'll pass soon.
Oct. 16th, 2009
Oct. 10th, 2009
02:20 pm - Back
Camp was fine...
Thankgod for grassjelly or I wouldn't be able to make it through night walk. I was scaring myself by thinking too much throughout the walk. Clinging to him like some koala bear>< Haha... And so, he made to those people on the list I'm thankful for. I've got so much to write to these people on my birthday><
But the vulgarities and sexual content were causing a never lasting cringing throughout the days... And the story of two-seven was so horribly mean!!!
Back home, I was exhausted... slept so much I woke up from having a gastric-.- My brother had to take pity on me, pried himself away from the destop to get food for me. LOL!
Apologised to E for replying so curtly that day. It did a little better for the regret I was feeling.
Oct. 4th, 2009
11:59 pm
Its annoying when you have no idea who's talking the truth...
So what do you do?
Sep. 28th, 2009
06:59 pm - Life goes on
Razors pain you,
rivers are damp,
acid stains you,
drugs cause cramps,
gun aren't lawful,
nooses give,
gas smells awful,
you might as well live.
Sep. 21st, 2009
06:16 pm
1. I did not want to postpone camp because I still felt there's hope in it.
2. I did not agree to postpone it immediately because I have people agreeing with me that the camp could still work.
3. I placed the high elements activities in this camp because many people agreed with me that I should do it.
4. I did not chose the high elements simply because the cost was too high, not because we are not allowed to use it. They did send in their programmes for us to choose from.
5. I did not put in night walk because I don't see how night walk could help interaction between the campers, unless you think screaming is a form of communication of bonding. Since when a night walk defines a camp? I don't see the point, I don't put it in.
I do really want to have a successful camp, who doesn't? Every idea that I proposed, was not for my own fun. Would I be using the high elements activities? I wasn't planning to. Would I be playing paintball, neither did I thought of it.
I refuse to go through the traditional way, simply because I don't agree how certain 'highlights' of the camp could help campers interact. All I see from a nightwalk, is that the GMs are allowed to have their own fun in scaring the participants in endless ways so as to fullfuill the mission of the event.
There's so much more to say, but I'm not gonna continue, simply because,
it hurts too much to say.
Why did I even care and when did I ever care?
Sep. 19th, 2009
10:58 pm
You know, when you walk into that room and people can't help to turn their heads and saw it's you, they start murmuring that you're back, how does that make you feel?
I can't say I miss those times, because everything you do, you're always looked upon on. And then when you leave you get those letters that says you will be missed, you wonder how many of those words are true...
The cycles goes on and it never stops, and when you start thinking back now, perhaps its time for you to start getting independent.
Sep. 17th, 2009
09:54 pm
Not in the best of moods.
Its stupid that I can't love with my whole heart, without making others feeling jealous over it.
Its even more stupid that bcos of that, I need to start distancing myself away so to stop someone from having the repeated feeling of jealousy.
I'm not gonna further comment on it because it just ain't right if I do so.
I've did my part of apologies.
Sep. 13th, 2009
11:21 pm - Angsty
It doesn't help no matter how many of times I tried telling myself this:
"I did my best so don't mull over it"
"Your brothers are out there saving you"
"Don't give a shit over what _____ said, it should never matter"
the dislike is DEFINITELY building up!
Lalala~
Sep. 10th, 2009
07:38 pm - Emo...
I've been feeling rather worn out these days... And to say this during the holidays... is darn weird, but I'm not gonna go through the details to revoke that heartache...
"And if the stoplight is red, you stop at the line. If it’s green, you keep going,”
“And if it’s yellow?”
“If it’s yellow you speed the fuck up so you get through before it’s red,”
Aug. 28th, 2009
Aug. 26th, 2009
09:59 pm - We all have best buddies too...
Aug. 24th, 2009
02:20 am - SAA
Swear, that school is full of crap.
Warning letter when the semester ended???
Aug. 16th, 2009
06:53 pm - Yipeeyupyup=)
That's the first=)
I'm so thankful for those who stayed over night with me on friday, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't had the motivation to stay on and get what I was suppose to do done... They had made my night so much better than expected and it kept my day bright today!!!
I don't know how I should express my gratitude towards them since this blog is meant to be kept as a secret=X but I'll find someway, somehow I guess...
This week had been a rather cheerful week, but exams are round the corner so I should start keeping my fingers crossed and study hard to get my grades back up!
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